Natural Golf

The very word Natural has a nice cozy ring to it, doesn't it? Natural, the way Mom cooks or cooked. Natural, anything that man has not screwed up. Natural tomatoes, carrots, beans and rice. Natural, no bad "stuff" in it.

Natural is a tidy word. Natural, the only thing to buy or thing to do. Who in their right mind would ever consider buying anything UN natural or doing anything UN natural? Stick the word natural in front of anything you want to sell and you have an automatic winner!

If someone with the last name Natural is trying to entice you to buy something, he's off and running. Joe Natural, what a lucky name. Joe Natural's coffee beans is what you want to buy. Suppose Gus's last name is Unnatural. Would you buy Joe Natural's coffee or Gus Unnatural's coffee? Pick a can.

What if some marketing genius decides to apply the magic word Natural to his golf gimmick? Since golfers are a gullible lot, he would catch tons of customers that would jump at the bait like a barrel full of fish, based solely on the name alone. Once we step beyond the word and check it out to see if it's really as the name implies, Natural, we are in for some shocking surprises. For those who didn't check it out and fell for it, based on just the word alone, whoops, shame on them.

In today's world of rampant Internet scams, it behooves one to be a skeptic and be driven to do one's homework before one makes a fool of ones self, AGAIN.

Let's say that some carny folk, who sleeps in his car, comes up with a plan to fleece the golfing public. Let's say that this guy practices his method at every waking moment and develops a certain skill with his method based solely on an unnatural amount of practice. With no job and nothing to do, he can spend lots of time slamming golf balls. A baboon could do as well with that much practice. Let's say that his method has appeal because it is different. Please, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, disregard the fact that it is contrary to how all great swings function. Get this . . . if his marketing is good enough he will be able to overcome common sense, logic and rational decision making in the view of the potential customer aka, pre-fool/fool.

Cleverly placing the magic adjective natural in front of golf guarantees him ample money to write non-rubberized checks, drink wine with a cork instead of a screw cap, sleep inside a dwelling instead of his car and employ a multitude of circus performers to spread his gospel.

Now then, what if his method doesn't work? The fact that it doesn't work is a moot point because he already has the golfers money. In exchange the golfer has a goofy ineffective swing loaded with bad habits. He has no grounds to sue the con man. The con man skips down the primrose lane, whistling a happy tune, all the way to the bank. There is no neutral (not natural) effect here.

If you buy a suit and it doesn't fit you are only out your money. But, if you buy a suit and you have to wear it there is a negative not neutral effect. You are out the money and people laugh hysterically when they see you wearing your "mistake." When you add something to your golf game, make sure it fits 'cause you're gonna wear it!

In our fictional adaptation of the chance of some outrageous possibility, possibly being true, could it be possibility possible for a golfer with his tail tucked between his hind legs to admit that he didn't do his homework? . . . that he fell for it, & carelessly squandered enough money for a trip around the world, TWICE! Does the red faced golfer pray that no one notices the errors of his ways? Perhaps it was only a horrifying dream on Elm Street, Freddy!

What if the jewels of wisdom found in the conjoined sentences above, some refer to as paragraphs, were indeed true/fact? We have sweaty palms from phone calls and countless emails from golfers expressing outrage that the Natural Golf method is anything but natural.

Natural stinks they say. I can show you how to hit a golf ball over a 100 yards__with a pop bottle, doesn't mean it's natural for golf.

From now on, when you hear the word natural, ask the question . . . "What the hell do you mean by natural?" If you don't, you could end up with a tummy ache from eating rotten apples or a golf swing that guarantees you a room with bars on the windows, rubber wallpaper & a staff fully equipped to make sure you stay in your room.

Jim McLellan

"The Maverick Anti-Pro"

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