Saturday, July 25, 2009

Fork You!

A recent visit to the emergency room, at world famous Vanderbilt Hospital, taught me mega tons. I wasn't there for me. I was there to be with our daughter in law who is expecting our grand baby. She and baby are just dandy, thanks for asking.

As I sat for hours by the emergency room door, I was witness to tons of blubber wallering through the door. The trimmest person (over 10 y/o) was a good 30 pounds over weight. The average was 80#s and some were sneaking up on a shocking 400#s of body weight. MOST of what got them to the ER was___ they were FAT. _____followed closely by alcohol and drug problems & an excuse to get off work.

These people, apparently, had no control over what they threw down the bottomless pit located in the front of their head. Long ago they discovered that the hinge in the middle of the arm was cleverly designed to bend and shovel in anything that would go down and stay down. They had NO idea what was on the end of their fork. They were forking themselves to death.

We Scots have a fondness for sweets (& Scotch)...gave it up years ago. But not sweets....I hurry through the meal to get to the dessert...yummy. My mouths watering just thinking about that cherry pie and chocolate chip ice cream. But there's a catch. I was sporting a pot, gut, fat stomach, protrusion, impedimenta, lard....that my wife pointed out was becoming__ unbecoming. She referred to me as my Uncle Ronnie. A great uncle but with a grand gut. His doctor informed him that he should diet and Uncle asked him, "Why, what color is it?"

The by-product of my sweet tooth was producing adverse results in both my Greek God appearance and general well being aka/health. I did something about it. I didn't have to give up my desserts. Believe this or not, I have a chocolate sundae after lunch, pie and ice cream EVERY night. In the last 7 weeks I've lost 13 pounds. How did you do that?" you ask. Here's how.

I decided to pay attention to what was on the end of my fork. It's soooo simple it will put every expensive diet plan out of business. AND just when you thought I was an expert on GOLF only.
Here, dear reader ... the Anti-Pro's sure fire, eye popping, rubber burning, nitro powered, fail safe plan to, once and for all, rediscover that gorgeous body hidden under layers of ugly lard.

Step one....Buy the right scale. TANITA (found at or you may find one on EBay.) Weigh every morning, totally naked. Keep a written record.

Step two...Write down everything you eat for 3 days. Look up the calories.

Step three. Understand that it takes 500 calories less per day to lose a pound a week.

Step four....See how you can find 500 calories every day that you will never miss.

Step 5....When dining out split the meal with you wife. OR get a to-go box at the start of the meal and divide your meal in half. Makes a good lunch for the next day.

Step 6...Drink 8 oz of water 20 minutes before you eat.

Step 7....Brush your teeth as soon as you can after a meal.

Hint! Want to look several pounds thinner, instantly? Every time you are waiting for the traffic light to turn green___try to "touch" your spine with your belly button. Several times during the day, "suck" your stomach in and hold it for as long as you can. It's a very good habit to establish!

Serious about a well toned mid-section? Check out AbNabber, 2 Posts back. Most effective exercise device since the earth cooled.

It is so ridiculously easy you will wonder how you ever let yourself turn into a gigantic monster! The Anti-Pro food plan will never have you feeling deprived and works like a charm. What have you got to lose?

Jim McLellan The Anti-Pro...Diet Guru
Visit or Return to McGolf Home of the Perfect Golf Swing

1 comment:

Dale Hollowell said...

Now Jim, you are being too hard. You know they can't help it. It is not their fault that fast food restaurants, Hostess, Krispy Kreme, Baskin Robbins, etc. make food that is irresistable.
They are just "victims" of these companies desire to make obscene profits. I'm sure our government, just like their mothers used to do, will make everything all right.